The Cave Collective

Chances are you’re still engaging with the same wound through the same lens.

But what we don’t need is more effort. More trying harder.
Instead, we need to learn how to relate differently.

To see and witness differently the Parts of us we’ve spent years criticizing, hiding, suppressing, or abandoning.

As long as we remain identified with the same internal shame structure, we will continue relating to ourselves through the same patterns that created the suffering in the first place.

If this resonates with you and you’d like support exploring the Parts, patterns, and internal structures shaping your life and relationships, Book a free alignment call using the link in my bio to find out more.

The deepest relationships will crack us wide open.

They reveal the performative roles we’ve always been playing.

They surface the parts we’ve had to hide because it never felt safe to express them.

Most of us will meet that activation and do what we’ve always done.

Blame the other person. Walk away and find someone new. Only to find the same dynamic and triggers repeating across different faces.

But a few will get curious about what this charge has always been pointing us towards.

Asking for more self-honesty and ownership.

To meet where we hold shame over ourselves, and acknowledging how we’re been expecting someone else to carry what we haven’t yet been willing to own.

To see into how we’ve been clinging onto performative roles, and what we’ve been asking the other to carry, so the story we wish to protect about ourselves stays intact.

This is the Projection Field at work.

It’s a framework I’m mapping out having worked with over 500 clients over the last 4 years.

It contextualises what I keep witnessing in the room: how we internalise shame and relegate parts of ourselves into the shadow.

How the unconscious perpetuates itself through our relational dynamics and projections onto one another.

I’m building this out as a resource that I aim to make available by the end of this month.

Can’t wait to share this with you guys!

So much of what we’re seeking is simply self-acceptance.

But for that to happen, we have to sit with the parts of ourselves we’ve been most conditioned to shame, repress, or pretend don’t exist.

The parts we learned early were too much, too slow, too messy, too difficult to explain. The parts that didn’t fit the image we were told was acceptable. So we pushed them down. And in doing so, we lost access to something real in ourselves.

The irony is that the very parts we’ve been hiding are often the ones carrying the most honest intelligence about who we are and what we’re actually here for.

Most of us were never taught how to meet those parts. We were only taught how to manage them.

Which is why what can feel most helpful and healing, is to learn a new way of self-witnessing.

To see ourselves not through the eyes that judged us, but through ones that are genuinely curious about what’s actually there.

If you’re looking to be supported and held in a private container, book an Alignment Call using the link in my bio.

Thank you for being You ✨

Spending time on farms, talking to people in the fields, understanding how they see the world, always cracks something open in me.

What strikes me most is the quality of consciousness they bring to every decision. Who benefits from this. Who suffers. What is the systemic impact of this choice.

Suddenly we see how we’re so intricately connected to the larger ecosystem.

And yet many of us never bring this quality of consideration into our personal relationships.

We like to think of ourselves as individuals. Self contained. Autonomous.
But we are never really functioning alone. Every dynamic we participate in leaves a mark.

And most of us can’t bear to sit with that. Because the moment we start asking those questions, we are forced to confront something we would rather not see in ourselves.

That we too have extracted and exploited because of our fears and lack.

Because somewhere along the way we learned that holding onto what we have, our image, our position, our sense of being enough, mattered more than honestly seeing what our relating was costing the people around us.

That we too have, at times, kept someone, or ourselves, small because that smallness served us in ways we never stopped to examine.

That’s not a comfortable place to stand.
But I think it’s the only honest place to start.

Share what came up for you in the comments below 👇

Desire is the fuel through which we get to intimately create from and interact with Life.

But for many of us, desire was never safe.

We learned early that expressing what we truly wanted meant risking disappointment, rejection, being told we were too much or too selfish.

So we repressed it. We traded our vitality for social acceptance. We became very good at being what others needed us to be.

Until the weight became too heavy for our bodies and souls to bear.

And we realised that the life we were living had quietly become an illusion.

A series of obligations we were simply abiding by.
A performance of responsibility that had no room for us in it.

When we abandon ownership of our own desires, we unconsciously hand that responsibility to others.

We look to them to direct us, to tell us what to do, to make the choices and face the aftermath we are afraid if we would assume responsibility.

And then we resent them for it. We see them as controlling, suffocating, boring. When really what we are sitting with is the grief of our own life force that we never trusted ourselves to embody.

So if you’re seeing yourself in this, here’s a question to sit with:

If you could let go of what you’re ‘supposed’ to be or do, what do you truly desire to create or experience in your life?

Even if it doesn’t make any ‘sense’, don’t dismiss it entirely.
Learn to negotiate with it. To sit and give space to how Life wishes to unfold itself through you.

And notice how you’re feeling in your body as you give yourself the permission to reconnect with your Desire.

Let me know in the comments below what came up for you 👇

When we relate to dreams symbolically, we stop asking,
“What does this mean?”

And start asking,

Why does this symbol move me?
What aspect of myself is being mirrored here?
Where have I disowned or suppressed this quality in waking life?

This is the work we will explore in the 7 Day Dream Experiment which starts on 30 March.

Comment “dream” and I will send you a link with more information.