Why The Stress? What Solutions?

Parents need to not blame the child for rebellious, irritable behavior right away, but they should start by looking into the cause, and maybe even change the way certain things go between each other. “Hearing a voice and making a personal connection is critical” (Daly), which is often the thing that is lacking with a broken relationship. Personal connection is what they need the most, and that is what parents should be doing. “Being anxious and depressed is a part of every teen’s life” (Daly), and with the guidance of a parental figure, talking to their child, letting them know that everyone goes through these things, and designating more family time together can help teenagers understand their feelings. They can then cope with problems the correct way with that type of support, instead of making bad decisions.

Daly, Daniel. “Teens Are More Stressed and Anxious, But They Don’t Know Why.” The Washington Post, 7 Aug. 2017, www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2017/ 08/07/teens-are-more-stressed-and-anxious-but-they-dont-know-why-heres-how-parents-can-help/.

Teenagers cannot fix or relieve their stress by themselves; they need to be helped and guided, mostly by a parental figure. Instead of fighting with a child, the best thing to do is to “reduce proneness to anger, avoid resentment, and keep your anger functional” (Pickhardt). This can help gear towards a calmer confrontation about a teen’s anger and frustration, by allowing them to talk and express their feelings. As a parent, listening is your job, and your responsibility to support and guide them down the right path. You must make sure your child is most importantly happy, healthy, and mentally stable. School is the biggest and most important stressor, whether it be social issues, amounts of work, or expectations; the time management and an organized calendar can strongly reduce that stress buildup. A better sleep schedule allows students to be less sleep deprived and more attentive in class, leading to increased performance, which can meet the expectations of parents and teachers. But most importantly, having a strong, loving, healthy relationship with your child is critical when trying to help them through tough times.

Pickhardt, Carl E. “When Parents Get Angry at Their Adolescent.” Psychology Today, 15 June 2015, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201506/when-parents-get-angry-their-adolescent.

Why do kids have so much homework? The amount they get at one time can be very overwhelming. Homework has been a very controversial topic with schools. Should they stop giving out homework altogether or should they give less? Some say that the “practice reinforces what students learn during the day,” while the others “argue that it puts unnecessary trust on kids and parents” (Mazziotta). The answer really depends on what kind of teacher a student has. Kids stay up very late doing all kinds of homework, often not getting the needed amount of sleep. I think a good solution for teachers would be to leave out the unnecessary problems that only waste time and assign the key problems to keep the previous lesson in the students' brains. The extra work just fills their brains with unimportant or already known content and can be confusing when trying to learn new things. Another good solution, if your child is struggling, would to maybe try and get them a tutor. Tutors can be very beneficial in helping kids actually understand what is being taught.

Mazziotta, Julie. “Is Homework a Waste of Students’ Time?” People.com, 18 Dec. 2018, people.com/health/homework-biggest-cause-teen-stress/z

Why does my child make bad decisions? Teenagers tend to have a severe obsession with trying to be the cool kid, attempting to fit in with social situations, or just trying to have that style and look every high schooler wants. The stress from issues at home and want to fit in often steers them towards peer pressure and substance use. Kids often choose the wrong type of friend group, a kind of group that puts them into uncomfortable situations. That relationship is not healthy for a teen. It only pushes them more towards bad-decision making. If a child is already trying to fit in and already is not comfortable in their own skin, is having that type of friend group really good for them? As a parent, it is hard to see your child moving towards that type of lifestyle. Especially with a first-born, many don't know what to do. Discipline is where parents differ in beliefs, by going overboard and creating a negative relationship with their child, or by doing little to nothing where their child doesn't learn. Although in an educational environment, parents can help push their kids towards a better friend group, they also have to understand that their child might not want to. You can't force your kids to do such drastic things, because high school doesn't work like that. It is okay to nudge them slowly, but you have to understand that it might not be comfortable for them. Give them space and time to think, but also vaguely influence them. Positive “peer influence can lead teens to engage in new activities that can help build strong pathways in the brain” (“Peer Pressure”), and the struggle of refusing peer pressure can be hard for many but being put into a better mindset by good friends can help them say no. By having good, encouraging friends at school, teenagers can help make smart decisions to avoid parental conflicts and extra damage to their self-esteem and even mental health!

“Peer Pressure: Its Influence on Teens and Decision Making.” Scholastic, 2008, headsup.scholastic.com/students/peer-pressure-its-influence-on-teens-and-decision-making.

Many students tend to push themselves way too much, to keep up with their peers and teacher's expectations, often resulting in overwhelming and overworking themselves. Too big of a goal can cause great depression, stress, and ultimately destroy one's self-esteem. “When junior Nora Huynh got her report card, she was devastated to see that she didn’t get a perfect 4.0... ‘Nora had a total meltdown, [she] cried for hours’” (Neighmond). Students often take too many classes and too hard of classes to keep up with, causing even more unwanted and unneeded stress on them. A good thing to do is maybe drop an unimportant or unnecessary class to maybe relieve and decrease the amount of work and stress. Only take classes you know you can handle as a student and that you are passionate about. Set and accomplish one goal at a time, do not overwhelm yourself!

Neighmond, Patti. “School Stress Takes a Toll on Health.” NPR, 2 Dec. 2013, www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2013/12/02/246599742/school-stress-takes-a-toll-on-health-teens-and-parents-say.

The type of stress students carry is nothing like that of an adult. So don't fight your child if he/she comes home tired, irritable and not ready to start right away on homework. Give them a break, their minds need to rest! School takes up a lot of time and "stress from homework is the number one cause of frustration" (Mazziotta). The reason being might be because of the lack of sleep from doing last night's homework, which has a big factor in making them tired and irritable. The Better Sleep Council provides a solution by setting a consistent time to sleep every night, regardless of the amount they have left. Allow your child some free time, sit down with them and maybe talk out a schedule for after school and draw up a calendar for them filled with assignment due dates, sports games, and practices, or whatever they feel they want to put up there. That way your child won't stress about forgetting certain things and they can choose to be ahead of schedule if they'd like.

Mazziotta, Julie. “Is Homework a Waste of Students’ Time?” People.com, 18 Dec. 2018,
people.com/health/homework-biggest-cause-teen-stress/z

"Bullying is becoming an increasingly prevalent problem in modern public schools," and as a matter of fact, "bullying can have a serious impact on a child's educational experience" (Barrington). Often times, kids will fight their parents about going to school or come home crying because of how their peers treat them. No parent wants to see their child like this, so what can they do to help? This is the point where schools need to get involved, by spreading awareness and reinforcing rules on bully prevention.

I'm sure you know that "stress is a normal thing for a human being" (Kefalas), but is your stress normal? Do your parents and teachers and peers push you too much? Do you come home tired and irritable after school only to do more schoolwork?! Is your stress causing your grades to go down? What can you do!??

Have you ever truly thought about what you are stressing about? Is it just one thing, or is it more than that? Is it school, is it friends? Is it homework?