SpiritSong High Conflict Divorce Coaching, LLC

"That feeling you’re feeling right now—as we collectively witness our own government harassing, disappearing, and killing people in the street—is not all that different from what a protective parent feels trying to protect their children from an abuser in family court."

We've all been forced to see it--and the question now becomes "What are we going to do about it?" Read the rest of blog here:

When Power Denies Reality: Institutional Betrayal in the Streets and in Family Court That feeling you’re feeling right now—as we collectively witness our own government harassing, disappearing, and killing people in the street—is not all that different from what a protective parent feels trying to protect their children from an abuser in family court.

I've covered this topic before with my blog, but it's an important one. Mediation in a "high conflict" (aka, divorcing your abuser) can be scary. Here's what you need to know.

Mediation With Your Abuser: What to expect Many states require mediation before trial, especially when child custody is disputed. In theory, mediation can be a useful tool when both parties are reasonable and acting in good faith.

Exploitativeness and Rage--the final pieces of the DIMMER model of coercive control and narcissistic abuse. My blog today focuses on the impact of exploitativeness and rage post-separation, esepcially as it impacts the kids.

Exploitativeness and Rage: The Final—and Most Dangerous—Pieces of the DIMMER Model Over time, children exposed to exploitativeness may internalize the belief that their worth is tied to what they provide rather than who they are. They learn to monitor, manage, and accommodate adult emotions to preserve connection.

Manipulation is hard to unpack when you're an adult. Helping our kids navigate manipulation with their coercive controlling parent is so important to their development and to maintaining their healthy connection to you.

Manipulation: Protecting your children post-separation In short, manipulation is the knock-out punch after the emotional erosion of minimization. If minimization makes you doubt your reality, manipulation tells you what to do with that doubt.

This. This will be the difference in helping your kids manage through the trauma and stay connected to you. 💙

A coercive controller does not only target the protective parent. They target the entire family system, including the child. Their goal is simple. Break the child’s attachment to the protective parent and replace it with dependency on themselves.

Children learn this quickly because the home environment teaches them how to adapt. Some days the predatory parent is calm. Other days they are explosive or unpredictable. The child never knows which version is coming, so they start watching every detail. They adjust their tone, their behavior, even their needs, just to stay out of danger.

This is not a conscious choice. It is survival. Their nervous system is doing the job of keeping them safe.

Over time, the predatory parent uses well-worn tactics to pull the child closer and push you out.
➡️They gaslight the child about your intentions.
➡️They use the child as a messenger or spy.
➡️ They withdraw love when the child pushes back.
➡️They become the “fun” parent or the “wounded” parent, depending on what keeps the child close.
➡️They make the child responsible for their emotions.

When you add it all together, the child is left believing the safest place is with the parent who holds the most power.

This does not mean the child cannot attach to you. It means the abuser has created conditions where aligning with them feels necessary.

The attachment you have with your child is still there. It is fractured, not gone. And connection can be rebuilt when your child senses they are safe with you, even when their behavior does not look like it.

If you are living this, you are not failing. You are witnessing the exact tactics coercive controllers use with every protective parent I work with.

What tactic showed up first in your home?

The metaphor continues. We're all in Family Court now. 💔

Buckle Up, America: The Narcissist in Chief and the Family Court of a Nation The parallels between what’s happening in our nation and what happens to victims of abuse in family court are stark.