10/30/2021
What is causing you more suffering than your eating disorder is the way you relate to your eating disorder.
Shaming yourself for it, being hell bent on recovery because you hate it so much, needing it to go away so you can feel good and normal again.
It takes courage to create a peaceful relationship with a pattern you perceive to be causing you so much pain.
And yet the real pain isn’t caused by your eating disorder, it’s caused by your judgment about it.
Making it mean so much about yourself when really having an eating disorder just means you are using food as a coping mechanism for a deeper pain.
Often times, we are scared to be loving and kind to ourselves in the middle of a pattern we’re trying to overcome, because we believe that if we realised we deserve love already, then why would we still want to change?
A valid fear if we’ve only ever initiated change in our lives with the fuel of shame and threat.
And it’s true.
When you’ve cultivated a truly intimate and friendly relationship with your eating disorder, the desperate need for it to leave you the f alone disappears.
When you can welcome it, love it, hold it and not make yourself wrong for it, when you can love yourself inside of it, when you loosen your tight grip around it, the intense desire for recovery does slow down.
But here is the unexpected plot twist:
Because you’re already LIVING what you thought you could only get as a result of recovery (self love, self acceptance, freedom, peace…), you’re 1000000x closer to recovery than ever before.
And when you can feel deeply whole INSIDE of your eating disorder, you do in fact get to a point of “If this never shifted, I’d be fine”.
Which is the moment you land fully in reality, fully in your power and where your resistance falls away.
And with no resistance - not towards your eating disorder and not towards recovery - the doors to recovery just flung wide open.
I promise that gifting yourself compassion inside of the mess is not going to make you reject recovery.
It’s going to make it possible.