Learn How To Talk So Kids will Listen

Great programme really worth watching

Simon Schama's History of Now - Series 1: 1. Truth and Democracy Simon Schama explores the artists who have fought for truth and democracy in his lifetime.

Sadness, raw emotions, pain...crying...

They aren't amazing things to feel...

and they can be horrible to witness in others.

So it's utterly understandable for parents or teachers to respond to a crying child with "stop crying"... who wouldn't want to stop the crying?

But there are some other ways to go- to pause and enable and empower a child to navigate tough times... here are ten smart things to say when responding to a child in pain...

Some good phrases here, especially if you read Chapter 5 - Praise, a while ago!

Instead of questions and advice, acknowledge with a word - oh, mmm, I see..."
Its hard for a child to think clearly or constructively when someone is questioning, blaming or advising her. there's a lot of help to be had from a simple "oh ...ummm".Words like these, coupled with a caring attitude, are invitations to a child to explore her own thoughts and feelings, and possibly come up with her own solutions.

Chapter 1 - Helping Children Deal with Feelings
1. Listen with full attention
Its much easier to tell your troubles to a parent who is really listening. They don't even have to say anything. Often a sympathetic silence (body language, eye contact etc) is all a child needs.

Still love the "How to talk" books and use them in my work every day. I'm not on commission! I just think they're worth sharing.

The 7 second rule.

We often give a child a command, such as put your shoes on or "say hello to grandma" and then when we see that they're not doing it, give a grumpy reminder. We all take time to process a command or request before we begin to comply. Today try to wait 7 seconds before giving your child a reminder. They might have started to comply and then you can praise them and you're both happy : )

For those of you who have read the book or done the course I just wanted to remind you of 2 useful tips.

1, Giving wishes in fantasy, Giving the child in fantasy what they can't have in reality, whether this is staying in the park, buying a new toy, having another packet of crisps, or never going to school again. Have fun indulging them in their wish and extend. This is a distraction technique but also lets them know how much you understand their desire for it.

2, Making amends. Lets just say that I wish farmer who caught me holding 3 raspberries picked by my friend Julie, when I was 7 had had a more measured response. His shouting, though justified created a shame in me that I've had difficulty shifting. I just wonder if he'd got me to do a job for him instead, I wouldn't have had to disguise myself every time I went down the lane, and we'd both have been a lot happier.

Be great to hear any experiences of using these techniques

Brighton and Hove courses start this week so thought I'd just put out what is covered in each session

Looking forward to seeing how the lewes group have got on this week, I've already had a tip off about some successes.

1. Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings

An exploration of what happens to children when their feelings are denied. Specific skills that help children to recognize and cope with their negative feelings-disappointment, envy, frustration, resentment, anger, etc. Ways to accept children's feelings, limit unacceptable behavior, and still maintain goodwill.

2. Engaging Cooperation

How children react to commonly used methods to get them to cooperate: threats, warnings, orders, name-calling, sarcasm, lecturing, etc. Five ways to invite cooperation that will leave parents and children feeling good about themselves and each other.

3. Alternatives to Punishment

How do children normally react to punishment? Is it necessary to rely on punishment as a means of discipline? Some alternatives to punishment that enable parents to express their strong disapproval as well as encourage children to assume responsibility for their behavior.

4. Encouraging Autonomy

Ways to help children become separate, responsible people who can one day function on their own. Specific skills that help children to become more self-reliant.

5. Praise

An exploration of the kinds of praise that build a positive and realistic self-image-and the kinds that do not. A variety of ways to help our children become aware of their strengths so that they can put them into action.

6. Freeing Children from Playing Roles

A look at how children are sometimes cast into roles (bully, whiner, dawdler, mischief-maker, etc.) and how we can free them from playing out these roles. Six skills that help children see themselves in a different and more positive light.

Still some places on the courses - 6 sessions £75, £60concessions, £45 Unwaged
Come along to 1st session for free to see what you think.
Lewes YMCA 7-9pm starts Monday 26th September
Ringer Village Hall 9.30-11.30am starts Wed 28th September
Hanover community centre 7-9pm Starts Wed 5th Oct
Holland Rd Baptist Church 9.45-11.45 Starts Thursday 6th Oct