Muslim Marriage Tips - a Halaal way

~ A DIVORCED SINGLE MOTHER WROTE ~

I am 32 years of age.

My ex husband and I dated for 6 years.

We where best of friends.

I waited until he completed college and started work.

My family and his family then met.

We got married and had a son. (7 years old now).

My husband was short tempered at times but our problems started when I wanted to make him feel he couldn't control me.

Every time we argued, I would pack my bags, go to my family and explain.

My sisters would phone my husband and shout at him.

If he was controlling me I would always dare him that if he wished, he could divorce me.

I never wanted divorce.

I just had pride and I never wanted to look like a loose woman in his eyes.

One day I pushed him so hard that for the first time he beat me and locked me outside.

I went to my family, my family took him to the police, every time I looked like I was being abused!

But to be honest, I used to abuse my husband emotionally.

He was arrested and detained.

I was asked by his family to withdraw the case.

I felt that what I was doing was wrong.

My husband was never a violent man, he did what he did because I pushed him to the wall of which he openly knelt down and apologized.

I withdrew the charge, and we reconciled.

After three months, I packed my bags after a small issue and he remained alone.

After two days, I received a call that he was in the hospital.

My family told me that I shouldn't go there because it would look like I was begging him and my sisters believed he was feigning the illness.

All this time, people felt sorry for me like I was the one being abused.

He spent a week in the hospital, after he came out, I just received a divorce summon.

I wanted to say no to divorce, but because I felt this pride, I wanted him to change his mind and beg me.

I called him and said he would get the divorce because I lived like I was in hell.

When we went to court, I wanted to make him pay, so I told the court that I needed his properties to be shared.

To my surprise he openly told the court that whatever he and I acquired together should be given to me, all he wanted was divorce.

We were divorced in 2009 July.

Now, my husband is married, whilst l am here wasted!

My family members are gossiping about me.

I depend on what my ex husband gives to my son for survival.

I know I wasted my marriage.

I am here telling all wives that they should be careful how they get advise.

Don't be cheated, don't entertain family interference in your marriage my dear reader.

Even my young sisters are much more respected than me.

Those who encouraged me to get divorced are always teasing and bad mouthing me.

Please ladies, be vigilant in your marriage.

Thought it wise to share my story to save your marriage.

There is no benefit in pride for nothing.

SOMETIMES IT'S NOT THE MAN'S FAULT AT ALL, IT'S YOUR PRIDE,AND THE PEOPLE YOU ALLOWED TO ADVISE YOU,SO BE WISE AND VIGILANT IN YOUR MARRIAGE.

Shaykh Sulaymān Ar-Ruhaylee said:

“Marriage—O beloved brothers—contains tranquility for the souls, happiness for the heart, guarding of the chastity, protection of the honor, and a lowering of the gaze. It contains goodness for the individual and goodness for the community.

It has tremendous attributes and major traits. It increases the Ummah of Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم and gives our Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم the right to boast of his ummah on the Day of Judgement. It is the reason mankind remains in existence. It is a path of unity and cooperation between the individual and the community. It spreads love between the family and unites the hearts and closes the distance (between people).”

book: Rights of the Spouses by Shaykh Sulayman Ruhaylee pg. 7

🔗https://t.me/MuslimMarriageTips_Official

The worst prison in the world is a home without peace. Be careful who you marry.

A Mother's Ramadan

A mother's Ramadan is very different from the Ramadan of other people, especially mothers of babies and very young children. This is due to the nature of this stage of motherhood.

Every mother in my position knows this simple reality:

My time is not my own.

I cannot allocate it however I want or spend it doing whatever I wish. Even during Ramadan, the most blessed time of the year! The month of increased worship, decreased sleep, and fasting.

Yet while most Muslims around her are fasting, decreasing their sleep, and increasing their worship, a mom of young children is:

-not fasting (if she is in her period of nifas ie. postpartum bleeding, or facing complications with pregnancy or breastfeeding),

-not decreasing her sleep because she's already severely sleep deprived with her baby/ toddler/ young child with a million needs that somehow seem to surface mostly in the middle of the night,

-not increasing her worship by much, because every time she tries to pray her five *fard* prayers, the baby is screaming to be nursed, or when she sits to recite or memorize Quran, her toddler bangs his head on the table corner and shrieks with pain, or when she attempts to pray tahajjud or a short taraweeh in the quiet sanctuary of her room at night after all the kids are finally tucked into their beds, the silence is shattered as one of the kids comes running into her room to announce that his brother has vomited all over the bedsheets she had just washed.

In all of these situations, day and night, she sighs, puts down the Quran she had *just* picked up or takes off the prayer gown she had *just* put on, and goes to tend to her children and their nonstop urgent needs.

And she feels sorry for herself, feels as though she is the only Muslim in the world who's not fasting or praying extra salah or reciting Quran in Ramadan.

And she feels guilty, feels that she is very behind on her `ibada.

And she feels anxious and worried, thinking that she's wasting this precious month that is *supposed* to be dedicated to extra acts of worship, yet here she is letting it pass her by like this! Ramadan is a uniquely tremendous opportunity and not taking advantage of it makes her feel depressed and defeated. She gets more anxious by the day, as she helplessly counts down the days left of Ramadan.

This is the untold experience of the mothers of newborns, toddlers, and dependent children during Ramadan.

It's often untold because this mom already feels bad and doesn't want to advertise how foolish she feels internally for letting Ramadan slip through her fingers. So she watches other Muslims crowd the masajid, wake up at night for long tahajjud prayers, and complete the recitation of the Quran multiple times over, while she nurses the baby.

If this is you, my dear fellow mother of little ones, know that you are not alone.

Know, also, that there are two types of `ibada (worship), as Ibn Taymiya رحمه الله writes:

1. `Ibada of the limbs ( عبادة الجوارح )

2. `Ibada of the heart ( عبادة القلب)

You, right now, don't have the chance to do much `ibada of the limbs, like extra long prayers or fasting or reciting lengthy passages of Quran. Do as much as you can of these physical acts of worship, but if you find that it's not very consistent, don't despair.

You can still do a lot of `ibada!

Focus on `ibada of the heart.

This is truly the CORE of all worship, the inward aspects.

Here are some ideas for `ibada of the heart for you to try to focus on:

1. Niyyah, النية: Intention

We all know the hadith,

قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: إنما الأعمال بالنيات وإنما لكل امرئ ما نوى...

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: "Certainly, actions are by intention, and for each person is that which he has intended..."

So intend to feed a fasting person, as you cook iftar and suhur meals for your fasting husband (and older children). InshaAllah you will receive the reward.

Also, on the topic of intentions, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم once was walking back from the Battle of Tabuk (غزوة تبوك ) with his men when he said something beautiful:

عن أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ، قَالَ لَمَّا رَجَعَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم مِنْ غَزْوَةِ تَبُوكَ فَدَنَا مِنَ الْمَدِينَةِ قَالَ‏ إِنَّ بِالْمَدِينَةِ لَقَوْمًا مَا سِرْتُمْ مِنْ مَسِيرٍ وَلاَ قَطَعْتُمْ وَادِيًا إِلاَّ كَانُوا مَعَكُمْ فِيهِ‏‏.‏ قَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَهُمْ بِالْمَدِينَةِ؟ قَالَ ‏”‏وَهُمْ بِالْمَدِينَةِ حَبَسَهُمُ الْعُذْرُ."

Anas bin Malik (may Allah be please with him) related: “When the Messenger of Allah ﷺ was returning from the campaign of Tabuk and had drawn close to Madinah, he said: ‘In Madinah there are people who, as you traveled and crossed valleys, were with you.’ They said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, even though they are in Madinah?’ He said: ‘Even though they were in Madinah. They were kept behind by (legitimate) excuses.”

Allah knows what your legitimate excuses are, which have kept you from being able to increase your physical worship. He will reward you for what you had *intended* to do, even if you didn't get to do it.

2. Shukr, الشكر: Gratitude

Cultivate in your heart an entire attitude of gratitude to Allah. Think of all the blessings Allah has granted you (including the very children who are keeping you from those physical acts of worship!), and thank Allah from your heart for His amazing blessings. And we know that when we thank Allah, He increases us!

"إِذْ تَأَذَّنَ رَبُّكُمْ لَئِن شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ ...

"And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]..." (Surat Ibrahim, 7)

3. Sabr, الصبر: Patience, Perseverance

The attitude of a Muslim is either a state of shukr (gratitude) or a state of sabr (patience and perseverance). Either way, you gain reward from Allah, whether good or "bad" things happen in life.

عَنْ أبي يَحْيَى صُهَيْبِ بْنِ سِنَانٍ قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ الله ﷺ: عَجَباً لأمْرِ الْمُؤْمِنِ إِنَّ أَمْرَهُ كُلَّهُ لَهُ خَيْرٌ، وَلَيْسَ ذَلِكَ لأِحَدٍ إِلاَّ للْمُؤْمِن: إِنْ أَصَابَتْهُ سَرَّاءُ شَكَرَ فَكَانَ خَيْراً لَهُ، وَإِنْ أَصَابَتْهُ ضَرَّاءُ صَبَرَ فَكَانَ خيْراً لَهُ. رواه مسلم.

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, "How strange/ amazing is the affair of the believer! His matters are all good for him, and this is not the case for anyone but a believer. If a happiness occurs, he is thankful and it is good for him. And if a misfortune strikes him, he patiently perseveres, and it is good for him."

4. Rida, الرضى: Contentment

This is an inner state which is fast disappearing in our age of materialism, social media, and constant comparisons with others. Many people are plagued with feelings of discontent, dissatisfaction, and restlessness. They don't like what they have and want what they don't have.

Aim to inculcate in your heart a sense of satisfaction and contentment with the qadar of Allah and with He has given you. Especially in material things. Try to work on not comparing yourself to your friends, your cousin, or online influencers (who are exaggerating in their descriptions of their vacations, editing stuff out from their life, or using filters in their selfies anyway!)

عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: انظروا إلى من هو أسفل منكم، ولا تنظروا إلى من هو فوقكم، فهو أجدر أن لا تَزْدَرُوا نعمة الله عليكم.

Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: "Look at those who are below you, and do not look at those who are above you, for that is more likely to hold you back from belittling the blessings that Allah has bestowed upon you."

5. Dhikr, الذكر: Remembrance

This one can be both an act of the heart as well as of the tongue. Remember Allah as much as you can, as you go through your day taking care of your children, husband, and family. You can still use your tongue even while your hands are busy, keeping your heart engaged in the remembrance of Allah.

Things to say: Astaghfirullah, أستغفر الله. Alhamdulillah, الحمد لله. SubhanaAllah, سبحان الله. Make du`aa. Send salawat on Rasul Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم.

There are many more acts of `ibada of the heart, but this long-delayed article is already too long, and your baby is probably crying for you by now!

May Allah rectify our affairs, purify our hearts, and have mercy on us in this month,
Aameen .

it can sometimes be hard for the spouses to know exactly what the other needs and wants. this is because a man cannot fully comprehend the struggles of a woman and a woman cannot fully understand the challenges that men experience.

however, this does not take away from the fact that both appreciate love, kindness, honesty and care from their spouse. so do not be greedy to show those things to your spouse no matter how distant you may feel from each other. love is not love if its bounded to temporary emotions. love is not just a word. its to show up for your spouse even at times when you are upset with them. chances are that when you are upset and hurt, they are too. and no matter how hard hearted the other may look like, don’t forget they are human just like you. sometimes just one simple and kind statement does wonders and it opens their heart to you too. the more you stay away from each other, the more you may feel dislike toward each other.

but Allah didn’t create marriage so that you spend your lives hating and disliking each other. “And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy.” (30:21) He created and destined two people so that they find tranquility within each other and support.

take the example of Prophet’s ﷺ relationship with Khadjia رضي الله عنها, and what a beautiful example it is🤍

https://t.me/MuslimMarriageTips_Official/515

Make Yourself aware of the
way you spend your time.

A believer is to always be cautious with the use of his or her time, and even more so in the month of Ramadan because the rewards lost in the time wasted in this month are far greater than in other time.

A schedule will help you keep track of the way you're spending your time, otherwise it's so easy for the days to just pass one after the other without achieving anything.

If you plan it out now and you stick to it, in shaa Allah you will feel a great sense of accomplishment by the end of Ramadan.

Naturally you will begin to recognize your own potential and this will in shaa Allah help you to continue in the months to come.

Set a time limit for the amount
of time you spend scrolling !!!!

The worst thing you can do is waste this month uselessly on your phone. Again, having a set program will give you things to do when you'd otherwise just pick up your phone and the next thing you know an hour has passed and you've done nothing, which you won't even feel bad about because you didn't have any ibadah scheduled which you would have needed to complete in that time.

https://t.me/MuslimMarriageTips_Official/514

The confused-Ramadan,
the clumsy-Ramadan,
the sad-and-lonely Ramadan,
the epic-Ramadan,
the fumbling-around-lost Ramadan,
the I-can't-take-this Ramadan,
the grief-stricken Ramadan,
the compassionate Ramadan,
the first-time-doing-this
Ramadan - no matter what Ramadan you have, Islam has space for it. Never forget this.

Your Ramadan is your unique journey. No matter what your journey may be it is not large enough to not be explored within this vast tradition of Love.

May this month be a month of immense healing and wholeness for us all.
Inwardly and outwardly.🤍

https://t.me/MuslimMarriageTips_Official/513

Secrets of the Sakina wife
By Amatullah bint Abdullah

This book offers good, practical marriage advice for sisters.

Highly recommended read; for brothers aswell.

It makes for an excellent wedding gift for the bride-to-be!

Muslim Marriage Tips Secrets of the Sakina wife By Amatullah bint Abdullah This book offers good, practical marriage advice for sisters. Highly recommended read; for brothers aswell. It makes for an excellent wedding gift for the bride-to-be!

If anyone is willing to get married and in search of a groom, please message us. We have a few good ristha.

- Location: Bangalore or surroundings like Mysore, Ramnagar etc.
- Age preferred between 21 to 25
- Practicing Muslim and proper hijab.

Ping us for groom's biodata.