Nafla Salahudeen-Author

Achcharu/pickle has been my all time favorite. During school days, I have enjoyed lovi immersed in salt water which was sold in my neighborhood.

After years, I see a transition in this lovi where the lovi is mashed with an addition of ingredients to spice it up in the achcharu shop in my city where I currently live.

Though the tub may not look beautiful like the big lovis immersed in water, I relish this mashed version immensely due to its extraordinary mix of flavors despite the first version being only sour with a tad of saltiness.

After all it's the same lovi but the way of preparing it sparks our taste buds in a different way.

Similarly, life is not meant to be the same for everyone. But Allah unites two people through marriage to find coolness in life. No one or not anything is responsible for a couple's coolness but rather it's the couple who is responsible for their happiness and creating moments out of one's family life to bring about quality.

One can dwell in one level thinking that life has only this to give me, but if one yearns for more, the same couple can create amazing moments even from the simplest of scenarios at home to bring about bliss.

If a husband and wife belong to a "real team", all the external factors that are trying to pry into family life can be easily bashed by the couples flavoring agents of proper understanding of one another, ego free nature, love mixed with positive emotions and embracing the spouse wholeheartedly.

When life is spiced up with the right flavoring agents, not only does it bring coolness but the ability to conquer any obstacles and hurdles that come to one's path.

When we ask Allah (swt): “Give us from our spouses and our children coolness of eyes.” When someone says, “I want to get married,” he/she should go further than just wanting to get married and Say: “I want to get married to a spouse who will cool my eyes".
Isn't that amazing Subhanallah?

Fb/Ig: Nafla Salahudeen-Author

Youth is an important phase in life and especially being pre teens and transforming to practicing Muslims is a struggle amidst the challenges this world throws at us.

The Boys of Barakah Course is an amazing four week course that I conduct for pre teen boys under different topics and discussions and the energy witnessed throughout was incredible Alhamdulillah!

The second batch of the Boys of Barakah Course concluded with beautiful heartwarming feedback from our lovely participants Alhamdulillah.

This Boys of Barakah Course was not just a course for four weeks, it was all about discovering Islam better, transforming to a better version and also learning cooking as a basic life skill with a touch of creativity and passion.

Along with the different practical topics discussed that pre teens face, live cooking is incorporated into the course too with different recipes, to increase the enthusiasm, skills and confidence of the young Muslims thus marching forward as an all rounder young hero. Isn't that amazing?

These are the pictures of the food prepared for live cooking by the second batch of the Boys of Barakah Course and the activities done Alhamdulillah!

The support from the parents was huge in navigating this lovely course smoothly.

Allah provides shade for seven in the day of judgement and that one shade is for youth who remembered Allah and worshipped Allah the right way.

May Allah accept our efforts and help us polish our Iman continuously!

Fb/Ig: Nafla Salahudeen-Author

The topic of "moving out" after marriage is often considered a taboo in many of our Asian cultures. Our culture promotes more of a joint family system than a nuclear family system, a separate place of one's own to call a home.

Many times, the spouses live in a joint family system after marriage. There isn't a right or wrong but there are certain things when done that will give an extra peace instead of families breaking into pieces emotionally.

Living under one roof can be beautiful at times. But living under the same roof can lead to unnecessary conflicts, stress, lack of privacy, the need to be free when necessary, disrespect, the desire to do things on one's own and of course non judgmental me time.

True unity isn't always about living together under one roof. Even if living separately, it can be upheld by mutual respect, understanding and care.

It's not a must to own an own house to live in separately, it's not necessary to have a huge bungalow to build a home and of course it's not necessary to have all the luxuries to start one's own life separately. Even a rented place according to one's means is sufficient to keep going in life with more protected peace, independence and comfort.

A husband's responsibility is to provide a secure and peaceful environment for the wife like a wife has responsibilities towards the husband. Though living with inlaws or parents can be nice but a wife would want to have a separate house of her own to build her own home.

What's necessary is to maintain healthy boundaries among spouses, parents and inlaws to keep going in life with less drama.

At the end of the day what matters is pleasing Allah. Because people's expectations differ.

May Allah grant us all understanding!

Fb/Ig: Nafla Salahudeen-Author

When I was a kid and the times we stayed over at our vaapamma's( paternal grandma) place, I used the palpodi alias the tooth powder to brush my teeth in the mornings.

I can't remember seeing toothpaste there, maybe everyone at vaapamma's place was used to palpodi many years back. But at my parents we have been using toothpaste.

So using palpodi whenever I get a chance has been interesting and a new experience. I always used to take a generous amount of powder onto my palm and I have believed that only a generous amount will cleanse my teeth better.

My vaapamma would have wondered why the palpodi packet becomes half empty whenever I stayed at least a day there.

The palpodi memories revived once again when I spotted the ayurvedic toothpaste on my shelf a few days back. It had the exact same taste.

But one main difference between a palpodi and toothpaste apart from the cleansing materials is that a certain substance to clean the cavities by the name of fluoride is missing in palpodi. Yet we all use one or the other despite its differences.

Nowadays, toothpaste has occupied many households and I am glad to have got that palpodi experience as a kid because it helped me to adjust to places and not demand for the exact thing we regularly use.

Adjustments don't start from the huge things, they start from small aspects in life which gradually expands. Parents role in moulding and shaping children to be adjustable and not become stubborn from a small age is needed because parenting is also about helping kids to learn life in every possible way.

Parenting isn't all about fixing every possible thing, but to let the kids learn and get insight about different circumstances in life.

Because a stubborn child will indeed become a stubborn adult, finding difficulty in facing relationships and everyday life.

We don't raise children alone, we need to shape responsible and understanding individuals who will either become an ease and comfort for the future spouse or else a constant difficulty.

Surah Al-Baqarah 2:286
“Allah does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear…”

Fb/Ig: Nafla Salahudeen-Author

For every married person of more than a year and many years into marriage, let us remind ourselves again of certain aspects.

Invest on a body lotion/perfume not to be fragrant when leaving home, but to welcome your spouse with a sweet fragrance while at home.

Invest in cosmetics not to beautify your face when leaving home but to beautify yourself for your spouse when he is home.

Invest in accessories not for public admiration, but to enhance your charm in the relationship with your spouse.

Invest on beautiful pyjamas and night gowns not as a comfortable dress beneath an abaya but to make your personal time with your spouse more lovely when at home.

We all pay more attention to beautify ourselves better during the first few months of marriage exclusively for the spouse alone, but with time that fades away and gradually the motive of beautifying too fades away.

Just like every woman is encouraged to beautify herself, every husband too needs to take measures to beautify himself for his spouse while at home and not only when leaving home.

It's all a two way journey to keep both the partners wrapped in love and care for one another.

Let us not disregard outward beauty because even if it's the same partner throughout, we need to add charm to the relationship by putting an effort to increase the charm for one another In Shaa Allah.

May Allah place Barakah and affection in all marriages!

Fb/Ig: Nafla Salahudeen-Author

Every time I make chocolate chip cookies at my home, it finishes so fast. The first time I made chocolate chip cookies was a chewy cookie batch. I wondered whether it was cookies or a half baked cake. So the next time I wanted it to be crispy just like the Srilankan cookies we have.

The crispy edges and the soft centre tasted much better. The chocolate chips that spark the deliciousness through every bite elevates this cookie craving even more.

Just like the chocolate chips do spread here and there in a cookie, in marriage too there are factors that spark the deliciousness.

One main factor is feeling proud about one's choice of continuing in the marriage. Living in a marriage is solely the choice of a person. The choice of a person is connected to life in the hereafter too.

If one encounters a problem in marriage a few months or few years into marriage, it's one's own choice to continue or to quit. If one decides to continue, then that becomes his/her choice. The choice comes with bearing the responsibilities of all the ups and downs both the partners need to tackle in the years to come by.

Rather, once decided to continue in one's marriage and afterwards grumble for all the matters is going to be a downfall not only in the satisfaction of the partner but also earning the wrath of Allah for constantly finding faults and being ungrateful about the partner.

So the choice comes with physical and emotional acceptance of the partner. Life will have its own challenges but handling that challenge in a smart way is also connected to the choice made instead of blaming the other.

ہُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّکُمۡ وَ اَنۡتُمۡ لِبَاسٌ لَّہُنَّ

“They are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them.” (2:188)

May Allah accept our marriages and make it a pathway towards Jannah!

Fb/Ig: Nafla Salahudeen-Author

A few months back when we went to a restaurant we came across a relative of ours. We were so excited and happy to see him. When we get to see a loved one all of a sudden, that gives immense joy.

So we decided to accompany him for lunch with us. We asked him to join us and off we went to a restaurant. My kids were overjoyed by our relative's presence.

As we reached the restaurant, I told my kids and husband that they can join him at one table and I can sit separately. My kids already knew that I won't sit with a non mahram but still they were sad that I was sitting at the next table. I wanted them to enjoy that moment because it's not an everyday thing for them to enjoy with a relative.

As a family we needed to set an example for our kids on how we can establish the mahram and non mahram etiquette while still enjoying the moment.

وَقُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنَاتِ يَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصَارِ‌هِنَّ

And say to the believing women that they must lower their gazes - 24:31.

So while having the meal, my husband and kids saw that I was served properly even though I was sitting at the next table. I enjoyed that moment because as a family we were able to abide by the commands of Allah and still maintain boundaries while encouraging ourselves to enjoy moments.

It's a common thing that's being said,
"How to live with families when we stop talking to non mahram men/women?"
"If we follow this mahram and non mahram exactly, then we won't even have a family for us."

This is something we ourselves have built up within us. Allah knows what's best for us and that's the reason Allah has established this as a strong rule. Free mixing and mingling with our non mahrams is forbidden in Islam. Just because I cannot talk with non mahram male relatives doesn't mean my family is restricted, they can definitely talk as they are from the same gender. It's vice versa for women too.

Families don't break when someone is following the commands of Allah. But if a person doesn't have a proper understanding of the religion and doesn't respect when someone follows the commands,that is when families break.

Sayyidah 'Umm Salamah ؓ which relates that once 'Umm Salamah and Maimunah ؓ both were with the Holy Prophet ﷺ when suddenly 'Abdullah Ibn 'Umm Maktum ؓ ، the companion of the Holy Prophet ﷺ who was blind, came in, and the Holy Prophet ﷺ asked them to go inside. This incident had happened after the injunction of hijab for women was revealed. On this 'Umm Salamah ؓ pleaded ` O Holy Prophet ﷺ ! But he is only blind, he can't see us'. Then the Holy Prophet ﷺ replied ` Is it that you are blind too?' (Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi - Tirmidhi declared this hadith as hasan Sahih).

We need to avoid the interaction with non mahrams as much as possible specially starting from the family where casual talks, joking and moving around freely happens as a common practice. Allah forbids this.

"And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, and not to reveal their adornments except what normally appears. Let them draw their veils over their chests, and not reveal their ˹hidden˺ adornments except to their husbands, their fathers, their fathers-in-law, their sons, their stepsons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons or sisters’ sons, their fellow women, those ˹bondwomen˺ in their possession, male attendants with no desire, or children who are still unaware of women’s nakedness. Let them not stomp their feet, drawing attention to their hidden adornments. Turn to Allah in repentance all together, O believers, so that you may be successful.(24.31)"

We can bring about a change in our families. The initial stage will be difficult when we quit the interaction with our non mahrams whom we go to the extent of mingling as own siblings and sons. But when we know it's a command from Allah, the Rabb who created us all, when we ponder on the love showered upon us by our Rabb, then we will be able to follow the commands because things will become easy when we start doing things for Allah's sake alone.

It's impossible to please everyone. When pleasing people gains priority more than pleasing Allah, we tend to compromise on the principles set by Allah.This will never earn credits both in this world and the hereafter.

May Allah make our Iman grow strong and establish the Deen in every aspect of our life!

Fb/Ig: Nafla Salahudeen-Author

When I was a child I heard of the word tacos but never got to eat because it wasn't a familiar menu after all. Many years after marriage I got to see taco shells on the shelf of a supermarket. I was thrilled to see but I didn't want to buy because my mind voice didn't agree to a packaged product. Not that I never eat packaged products, yes I do. But this particular item didn't spark my interest to be bought as a readymade product.

It was then I got to make my own tacos at home and the result was amazing. I am that crazy individual who loves mini and cute items. That is what made me make mini tacos.

The more I looked at the platter, the more I admired it. It turned out to be a really beautiful dish Masha Allah!

I had to pause for a bit. It was true that I loved the beauty that was sitting in front of me. Still I had to pause and reflect to not let the self admiration cross the healthy level and become self glorification. Because most self admiration quietly results in pride within.

That doesn't mean, one needs to have low self esteem nor self admiration. It is necessary to boost and self motivate ourselves but not cross the limit.

When we start believing that, I do everything perfectly, my say is the only say that is correct, portraying one self as flawless while victimizing the other person, having a higher opinion about the self are all excessive self admiration disguised as pride.

The companions asked about loving nice clothes and shoes. The Prophet ﷺ replied:
“Allah is Beautiful and loves beauty. Arrogance is rejecting the truth and looking down on people.”

Fb/Ig: .salahudeenauthor

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Our kids received three packages from my aunt's - my dad's second sister and her family. This time for Eid, we received Eid gifts and the little ones were really excited to use the circuit and the mini screw drivers box which were both beautifully wrapped.

That moment was indeed a heartwarming moment with customized names on each gift to make each feel special.

Relationships become increased with connection when someone is made to feel special.

Especially when it comes to the husband and wife relationships, the connection increases not by magic or a miracle instead with increased efforts.

Quality time becomes really important to an extent where the couples need to make at least a minimum of twenty minutes mandatory time everyday for one another, unplugging from devices and giving one another undivided attention free from distractions, making it lively with conversation and laughter instead of gossip making life more vibrant. This will yield a remarkable difference in life.

This increases connectivity and a beautiful bond that yields coolness and happiness. A marriage can be stable, faithful and loving and what is necessarily important is emotional connection and more of shared enjoyment.

This can keep the spark and liveliness ongoing for a better marriage life instead of just being married and enjoying the journey together.

"And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves spouses that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for people who reflect."
—Surah Ar-Rum (30:21)

Fb/Ig: .salahudeenauthor