Teacher Beia

Gusto ko dati pa na ang mga anak ko ay parte ng team sports.

Kasi sa team, whether 4 days ka pa lang dun or 4 years ka na, walang iwanan.

Kung ikaw pinakahuli at mabagal tumakbo, sisigawan ka ng “Go! Go! Push!” para matapos kang kasama nila.
May isang babalikan ka pa para itulak ka para matapos mo lang.
Kung ma injure ka at di makalaro pero panalo team mo, kasama ka sa panalo.
Kung nagka surgery ka, bibisitahin ka nila sa ospital o bahay.
Kung nahihirapan ka sa school, tututor ka nila para di ka bumagsak.
Kung namatay lola mo na di naman nila kilala, makikiramay silang lahat.
Sasamahan ka sa kahit anong aspeto ng buhay mo.
Kung parte ka ng team, never ka na magisa.
Parati kang may kasama.
Walang iwanan.

Kaya’t sa nangyari doon sa dalawang players, isang linggo na ako dito tulala kasi pano kung anak ko un. Parte siya ng team. Akala kong never na siya magiisa. Never na siya maiiwan. Kahit anong mangyari, may karamay siya. May kasama sa hirap at ginhawa.

Pero iniwan lang.
na para bang walang p**i.
Na para bang hindi siya parte nila.

Buong buhay ko sinabihan ako nang “There is no I in team”
Nang “The strength of the wolf is the pack”
Nang “Sa team, walang iwanan.”
Nang “We are a family here”
Totoo pa ba ‘tong mga kasabihan na ito?

Hindi ko maintindihan.
Ang sakit bilang isang dating atleta.
Nakakatakot bilang isang nanay.

Hindi na ba natin mapagkakatiwalaan ang mga itinuturing dapat nating kapatid at magulang?

Walang iwanan.
That is the main premise and promise of being part of a team.
Pero mukhang iniwan lamang.

“Mama, hug and kiss me bye before you go”

Grade 5.

I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that from her and how fearful I am of the day when she will find my hugs and kisses in front of friends embarrassing.

Kahit ilang beses mo na na-hug and kiss ung anak mo, kulang at kulang pa din talaga. Kinakabahan ako na darating ung araw na ikakahiya na niya un especially sa harap ng mga kaklase niya.

For now, I need to remember this moment.
Because what if it’s the last?

Dati, ayaw ako bilhan nung 64 Crayola na naka tin can pa. Sabi ng Mama ko, pang birthday daw o pasko na regalo un. Pack of 16 na lang daw bilhin para sa school. Madami na daw un.

Syempre sama ng loob ko. Bata lang ako nun, wala pa naman naiintindihan. Sabi ko “Paglaki ko tas Mama na ako, bibilhan ko ung anak ko ng 64 Crayola na tin can!”

Ngayon, Mama na ako. Pumapasok na mga anak ko sa school.

Sabi ko sa bunso “16 Crayola! Wooow! So many crayons in a box, right?” 😁

(Sama pa ng loob ko kasi pagbukas, napunit agad ung karton)

Atyaka na ung 64 Crayola na yan. Baka pag lola na ako, bibilhin ko para sa apo.

The Filipino family is changing.

1) Gone are the days of living with extended family.

Condo living, residing closer to work, or leaving toxic family culture have caused nuclear families to live independently. While it has its pros, it means parents have less help on all facets- childcare, bills, housework. It means little to no community- the often only child has no other playmates, the parents have no other adults to speak to, and family socializing has become extremely limited. It means overwhelmed parents with multiple responsibilities and overwhelming workload with little to no help.

2) The emergence of WFH means being physically present but unable to really be present.

Parents working the graveyard shift are exhausted during the day. Parents working during the day are busy and unable to care for their children.

With the increasing difficulty to find reliable and trustworthy househelp and the lack of family options, the default has become screentime. TV, tablets, phones, movies, games, short video doomscrolling often become the child’s childcare, entertainment, mealtime companion, and main source of learning and pseudo-interaction. For hours upon hours.

3) Filipino children, once surrounded constantly by Titos and Titas, Lolos and Lolas, neighbors and family friends find themselves alone or often with just one other companion; where the one or 2 people have to be everything, with no one to fill in when needed or where in areas they lack. To be everything all the time for little ones who require so much is draining and taxing and therefore leave the adults in charge feeling isolated and lonely too.

4) Developmental delays and diagnosis have increased. We often say “Children are so advanced nowadays” but we have seen little progress in basic childhood development across the board: speech, motor skills, socialization, and emotional regulation. Their windows to learn specific skills, to connect with others, to be spoken to and speak back, to learn empathy, to regulate emotions without a screen, to interact with a variety of people of all ages, to run, climb, and move the way young children need to are often missed as children spend their days in their tiny little bubbles, on the couches, with limited movement and speech happening in a day. This means children are lacking in the basic skills that would allow them to thrive later on in life.

Parents weren’t meant to parent alone.
Children do not grow and thrive in isolation.

There are still things we can do but all of these require effort, intention, and support.
Let’s bring back the Filipino family that has allowed us to be known as some of the happiest people on earth. People who know the true meaning of community. Often one big happy family- blood related or not.

Summers are magical! ✨

For us, it’s a time for our children to work where we work.
To try new things.
To face fears.
To focus on learning new skills.
To meet new people.
To make summer memories.
To deepen bonds with friends and family.
To grow, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too.

Summers are harder on parents though, because our lives don’t have breaks and our schedules don’t change but we have to figure out their care and accommodate their needs too. But summers matter so we make the effort.

Summer is a time to slow down: less frantic mornings, longer family dinners, less rushing around. A slower and more intentional life is made and a new routine settles. Maybe new family traditions made or skills and hobbies learned.

When school begins we notice the physical changes like how much taller they’ve gotten. But we also notice how much they’ve grown in maybe responsibility, maturity, confidence. In the things they like and prefer. In their personalities or how they prefer to dress. We can also see how much they have changed with normal growing up things such as puberty, being self conscious, or being more aware of others and not just themselves.

Each summer is always a wonderful break before we go back to the necessary routine of life. It’s full of learning- just a different kind.
School is important but summers are equally so. 🤍

Back to school soon 💖
Make the most of the last of your summer days ☀️
Before you know it, next summer is here bit your children won’t be as little as they are today 🥲🥹

SILENT PEER PRESSURE

“How do people start smoking, Mama?”

Hmm. I guess maybe friends?

“So did your friends ever say ‘hey, why don’t you try smoking with us?’”

Umm hmm. No they didn’t. I didn’t have friends that would ask me to do something considered wrong with them. But there’s still peer pressure.

“How?”

When everyone’s doing something or everyone has something, then you feel the pressure to do or have the same. For example, if everyone starts wearing striped shirts, you probably never thought about striped shirts but you suddenly feel you want one. If everyone’s wearing Crocs, it suddenly is something you want to wear even if no one says “Oh Maya you’re the only one without a pair!” Same with smoking or trying something new- whether bad or good. There’s a quiet pressure that you feel, which you may be putting on yourself. You feel that if everyone’s doing something, you have to or need to or should try it too.

So… we just don’t give in?

Yes. But you also have to not care about what others think about you. If everyone’s doing something or has something or buys something, you don’t need to do the same. And if they’re good friends, they won’t care also. They won’t make you feel bad about it or call you out for not being/doing like them.

How hard sometimes to answer our children’s questions in a way that doesn’t sound like a lecture or too long of a lesson, to keep their interest and have them understand your train of thought, making sure you communicate what you need to well.

But I love these questions because they’re a chance to impart values and to give our opinions but still allow them space to think and room to create their own opinions.

We can only guide them but ultimately they will make their own life choices. Part of the difficulty of parenting is watching them learn and grow and make mistakes until they find their own way.