Modern Leadership Coaching

I get asked about the 100 pounds a lot.

The workouts. The food. The schedule.

And I get it. People want the answer.

But what I did was never the thing that kept it off.

For a long time I was fighting myself every single time I tried to do something different.

My old self had a PhD in talking me out of it.

What finally changed wasn't finding the right plan.

It was learning how to turn down the volume of my head and turn up the volume of my heart.

Once that shifted, the doing became natural.

Not easy.

Natural.

Who I became was the answer.

Not what I did.

People always ask me what I DID to lose 100 pounds.

The workouts.

The food.

The routine.

When I woke up.

What my schedule looked like.

Nobody ever asks me who I had to become.

What does that even mean? Let me explain....

For a long time I was trying to force myself.

Convince myself.

Push through.

I read books on discipline.

Listened to podcasts about how you don't have to feel like doing it, you just have to do it.

And I get that might work sometimes.

It never worked for me long term.

I couldn't build any consistency because I was fighting myself every single time.

What finally changed wasn't the plan.

It was realizing that every time I tried to do something outside of my norm, my old self pushed back.

The voice in my head got louder.

And it had a PhD in understanding the ways I could get myself to NOT do it.

Once I understood how that worked, something shifted.

I found a way to start using that for me instead of against me.

I started learning how to turn down the volume of my head and turn up the volume of my heart.

Eventually I stopped having to fight myself to do the things I wanted to do.

I actually WANTED to do them.

Not because I convinced myself of something or made my life easy.

But because the way I processed the hard made me willing to fight for what I wanted.

That's what self-coaching actually is.

What do you think your life would look like if you got great at this for yourself?

Not just for others.

That's step 2.

Mastering this yourself? That's step 1.

Has your phone started to pull you out of family time too?

I was on a call with a client recently.

He was spending time with his son when his phone started ringing.

It was family time so he wasn't going to pick it up.

But his son stopped talking mid sentence.

He asked his son why he stopped.

His son had already assumed he was going to answer it.

And it hit him in his heart.

He had created a pattern without realizing it.

And his son had already adjusted to that pattern.

That moment right there is what today's podcast episode is about.

Because what he was trying to fix wasn't actually the problem.

The habit was just the surface.

Underneath it was a belief.

That if he didn't answer fast enough he'd lose the client.

And until that belief changed, the habit wasn't going anywhere.

Teresa and I talk through how I helped him find a new belief that not only changed the habit AND actually helped him build his business at the same time.

This was an AND situation.

Just not in the way you might think.

New episode is live.

How to Change a Habit That Every Program and Book Has Missed.

Search 'Modern Leadership Coaching' wherever you listen.

Or grab the link in the first comment.

Do you remember the last time you showed up in a way you didn't want to?

If so, picture it for a second. This is going to help.

I want to you think about what actually happened that brought up that response.

Now, I want you to think about what was the story/perspective you told yourself just before you reacted the way you did.

What's coming up for you?

I've found a lot of times it's a story of self-preservation "Who do they think the are! Why would they be so rude! If I had talked to my parents like that I would have gotten ..."

What do you think would have changed, if you changed the story you told yourself?

Here's a simple one...

"He doesn't normally act that way. I wonder what's really going on?"

Here's the thing with this work...

We don't want to have to wait until the outside changes for things to change.

We'll all be waiting around for eternity.

It's the inside where the work really is.

Because if you had a situation come up for you based on the question I asked, that tells me you do want to change it.

It might seem productive to try and force the outside to change... But you're teaching your brain that it doesn't have the power, the power lies on the outside.... Even if that does work once or twice.

(And if it does, usually that behavior doesn't stop, it just goes underground)

What would it feel like to take full control over it, so you don't have to wait for that external change?

Who would benefit from you working on that?

What's something you want help on, and what are 2-3 reasons that your brain is offering as to why this is happening?

This is how I opened last Tuesday's call, and I could see the reaction from people on the call when they answered these questions.

They weren't used to answering these type of questions because they aren't inside our coaching spaces.

In most rooms, I find people talk about "struggling" or "being stuck" like it's a fact.

Then it resorts to the "I don't know" language.

Or "I need clarity".

Or the worst, "I'm holding myself back."

Those perspectives are not helpful in any way.

Which is why I framed the question the way I did.

And I want you to capture this.

1. What's something you want help on?

That means I'm asking them what they actually want to change, what they are open to getting coaching with, and what they actually are willing to work on.

Psychology tells us that when someone frames it this way, they are more likely to accept coaching and do something about it.

2. What are the 3 reasons your brain is offering as to why?

It's important to hear where the brain is going.

Because more times than not, it's not a technical challenge.

Your offer, your pricing, your niche, or reaching more people is not your main problem.

(Re-read that. I don't want you to hate me, but I want you to know the truth)

Those could be something that could help, but if the energy you bring to those things, the confidence you have when you coach/sell, or the feeling you get about your offer are off... None of those technical changes things will ever change that.

Doing the right thing with the wrong energy doesn't work.

So when you're asking this of yourself, or you have clients or people you lead, be cautious of the way you frame the questions.

Asking random questions will get you random answers.

But asking questions that force "trapped" or "labeling" based perspectives will do something even worse.