Kituei - Kitvei HaKodesh

Kituei - Kitvei HaKodesh

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06/09/2026

My grandmother pulled me aside three days before she died and whispered something I didn't understand for fifteen years.

She said: "They took pages out. Don't trust the book they gave you."

She was 89. On hospice. Half the things she said that week didn't make sense.
I was 22. I nodded. I held her hand. I told myself it was the morphine.

Three days later she was gone.
And I forgot about it.
Or I tried to.

But every single time I opened a Bible for the next fifteen years, I heard her voice.
They took pages out.

I'd be sitting in church and the pastor would be reading from Ephesians and I'd hear it.
They took pages out.
I'd be praying at 2am, begging God to show up, feeling absolutely nothing, and I'd hear it.
They took pages out.

I thought I was losing my mind.
I want to back up. Because if I just tell you what I found out, you won't believe it. You shouldn't believe it. I wouldn't have believed it.

I have to tell you who I was first.

I grew up in church. Every Sunday. Wednesday night Bible study. Youth group. Christian college. The whole pipeline.

I knew the books of the Bible by heart by the time I was eight. Old Testament and New Testament. In order. I could recite them faster than the boy next to me, and I was proud of it.

I was the kind of girl who actually read her Bible. Not because my parents made me. Because I wanted to.
And I prayed.
God I prayed.

I prayed for hours. I prayed walking to school. I prayed before tests. I prayed before bed. I prayed when I was happy and I prayed when I was breaking.
And here's the thing nobody in church will say out loud.

I never felt anything.
Not once.

Not the way they described it from the pulpit. Not the way the worship songs talked about it. Not the way the testimonies said it was supposed to be.
The "presence of God" they described — I never felt it.

Not at altar calls. Not at retreats. Not at communion. Not in the prayer closet at 5am when everyone else swore they could feel Him in the room.
I felt the same thing every time I prayed.
Silence.

I told myself it was me. Maybe I wasn't faithful enough. Maybe I had hidden sin. Maybe I needed to fast more. Read more. Tithe more. Confess more.
I tried all of it.

I fasted for forty days when I was nineteen. I read the Bible cover to cover three times before I turned twenty-five. I gave money I didn't have. I confessed sins I'd already confessed a hundred times.
Nothing.
The same silence.

I started watching other women in church. I'd sit there during worship and watch the women around me with their hands up, eyes closed, mascara running, and I would think: what do they know that I don't?
Because clearly they were experiencing something I wasn't.

I assumed it was my fault.

For thirty-seven years I assumed it was my fault.
Then one night last spring I was up at 3am — couldn't sleep, again — and I fell down a YouTube rabbit hole. The way you do at 3am.

A video popped up. A man sitting in his office, holding what looked like a massive, beautiful hardcover book. The title said something about Pastor Whitfield and the "Watchers."
I almost scrolled past.
I'm glad I didn't.

Because that video was the first time in my life that I heard someone explain what I'm about to tell you.
And the second I heard it, my grandmother's whisper made sense.

The man in the video was a pastor named Daniel Whitfield. He had spent his entire life inside the church system, just like me. But he had started digging into texts that almost nobody in Western Christianity is allowed to see.

He looked into the camera and said: "Most Western Christians don't know they're reading an edited Bible. They have no idea King James removed 22 books to consolidate control. And they have no idea why."

I sat up.
He kept going.

He said there was a book that used to be considered scripture. That was quoted by Jesus's own disciples. That was in the original canon. That was read by the early church for hundreds of years.
And then it was pulled.

Quietly. Systematically. From every Bible in the West.
That book was called the Book of Enoch.
I had never heard of it.

Thirty-seven years in church. Christian college. Read the Bible cover to cover three times.
And I had never heard of the Book of Enoch.

Pastor Whitfield said: "If you want to understand who is actually running the world right now — not the politicians, but the ones above them — you have to read what they took out."
That's where I went.
Down that rabbit hole.

For four months.

I want to tell you what I found.

Because I think there's a chance — maybe even a good chance — that you've felt the same silence I felt. That you've prayed and felt nothing. That you've read scripture and walked away just as confused as when you opened it. That you've watched other women seem to access something you couldn't reach.
If that's you, please keep reading.

Because it isn't you.
It was never you.

The Book of Enoch is one of the oldest pieces of scripture that exists. The Dead Sea Scrolls had it. Quoted in the New Testament directly — the book of Jude quotes Enoch by name. The early church fathers cited it for hundreds of years. Treated it as scripture.

And then the political councils, culminating with King James, quietly demoted it.
Enoch was the biggest target.

Not because it contradicted the Bible.
Because it explained too much.
Here's what's in it.

The Book of Enoch tells you, in detail, where evil came from. Not metaphorically. Not vaguely. Specifically.
It says there was a group of beings called the Watchers. Two hundred of them. They were assigned to observe humanity from above. They weren't supposed to interfere.

Two hundred of them broke that rule.

They came down. They took human women. They had children with them.

The children weren't fully human. They were giants. Hybrids. The text gives their names. The text gives the names of the Watchers who fathered them. The text describes what they taught humanity — sorcery, weapons, manipulation, war.
The hybrids are called Nephilim.

Genesis mentions them. One verse. In passing. "There were giants in the earth in those days."
That's it. That's all you got.

The Book of Enoch gives you a hundred chapters on it.
Including the part nobody wants you to read.
The bloodline didn't end with the flood.

I want to slow down here because this is the part that broke me.

The text explains that the spirits of the Nephilim — the hybrid offspring — became something the text calls "evil spirits upon the earth." Not metaphorical evil. Specific entities. Specific influences. Specific bloodlines that carried forward.

And it explains how those bloodlines work. How they corrupt. How they consolidate power. How they hide.
Then it explains something even harder.

It explains what humans actually are.
It explains what was placed inside humans from the beginning. Not a soul as a vague spiritual concept. A specific power. With specific functions. With specific instructions for how to access it.

It explains the angels assigned to every believer. Not as decoration. As actual functioning relationships you're supposed to have. With specific names. With specific roles. With instructions for how to call on them.

It explains what prayer actually is. Mechanically. What's happening on the other side. Why some prayers connect and some don't.
It explains why faith has felt empty for so many women for so long.
The instructions were taken.

I sat on my couch at 4am with tears running down my face because for the first time in my entire life — thirty-seven years — somebody was finally telling me what was wrong.
It wasn't me.
It was never me.

I'd been handed a manual with the most important chapters removed.

I started looking for the full text.
This is where it gets harder.

Because if you go on Amazon right now and search for the Book of Enoch, you'll find dozens of versions.
Most of them are partial. Most of them are translations of translations. Most of them have entire sections missing or softened. Most of them remove the parts that name the bloodlines and explain how they consolidated power. Most of them leave out the parts that explain what's inside humans and how to access it.

The same censorship that pulled it from the canon centuries ago is still happening to the modern reprints.

I bought four different versions before I figured this out. Some were missing the genealogies. Some were missing the cosmology. Some were missing the parts about the angels. Some were missing the instructions for accessing what was placed inside humans.
It was infuriating.

Then I found out something I didn't know.
There is one place on earth where the full original text was never censored.
Ethiopia.

The Ethiopian Orthodox Church became Christian before Rome did. Long before. Their canon was set before the Western councils existed. Before any committee or king in Europe decided what could stay and what had to go.

So when the rest of the Christian world started pulling books, Ethiopia just... didn't.

Their Bible never lost a single one.
Their Bible has 88 books.
Yours has 66.

Twenty-two books that were stripped from the Western Bible are still sitting in the Ethiopian one. Untouched. Word for word. Preserved by monks who hand-copied them in remote monasteries in the highlands of East Africa for over a thousand years.
The full Book of Enoch.

The full account of the Watchers.
The full genealogy of the Nephilim and what their bloodline became.
The full explanation of what's inside humans and how to access it.

The full set of instructions for how to work with the angels assigned to you.

All of it. Sitting there. For a thousand years. Waiting.
I tried to get a copy.
This is where it got even harder.

You can't just walk into Barnes and Noble and buy the Ethiopian Bible. It's not on Amazon in any complete English form. The official Ethiopian Orthodox texts are in Ge'ez, a liturgical language almost nobody speaks anymore.

There were a few partial translations floating around. Most of them were academic. Most of them were dense. Most of them were still incomplete.
I gave up for a while.

Then I found Ethiopica.

Ethiopica is a group that went directly to the source. Not to academics. Not to Amazon publishers. To the actual unbroken tradition that preserved the text.

And they brought back the full thing. Translated. Printed. Bound in a beautiful hardcover. The complete 88-book Ethiopian Bible. With all 22 books that were stripped from the Western canon. Including the full Book of Enoch with everything intact.

The bloodline genealogies.
The Watcher accounts.

The instructions for what's inside humans.
The angelic assignments.
The cosmology that explains how the spiritual world is actually structured.

All of it. Word for word. The way Ethiopia preserved it. The way it was originally written before politicians got their hands on the canon.
I ordered it.

It arrived ten days later.

I want to tell you what happened.
I'm going to be honest with you because if I'm not, this whole thing is just another sales pitch and you deserve better than that.
Week one I just read.

I didn't pray. I didn't try anything. I just read.
I read the Book of Enoch first. Cover to cover.

I cried twice. Once when I read the names of the Watchers, and once when I read the section explaining what was placed inside humans from the beginning.
Week two I started praying again. The way the text describes. Not the way I'd been taught.
The first night, nothing.
The second night, nothing.

The fourth night, something happened that I'm not going to try to describe because I'd ruin it. But for the first time in my entire life, prayer was not silent.
Week three I read the parts about the angels. About what they're assigned to do. About how to call on them by their function, not their name.
I tested it.
It worked.

I'm not going to be more specific than that because if I am, this becomes a different kind of post. But I'll say this — what scripture promises about angels showed up in my life within seven days of reading the parts about them.

Week four my husband asked me what was different.
He said I seemed lighter. Steadier. Like something had been weighing on me for years and it was finally off.
I told him what I'd read.
He started reading too.

Week six I had a conversation with my mother that I'd been avoiding for fifteen years. I won't go into it. But I had it. And it healed something I didn't know could heal.

The silence is gone.

It's just gone.

I want to tell you a few things about Ethiopica before you decide.

This is not mass-produced. They print in small batches. When a batch sells out it can be weeks or months before another one is ready. If the link below works, they have copies. If it doesn't, you're waiting.
They give you 90 days. 90 days to read what was taken out. 90 days to read about the Watchers, the bloodlines, the instructions for what's inside you. 90 days to test what scripture says about prayer and angels and the kingdom inside you.

If after 90 days nothing has changed for you — if the prayers still hit ceilings, if the scriptures still feel locked, if the silence is still there — send it back. Every penny back. No questions.

But I'll tell you what I told my husband.
You will not send it back.

Once you read what was taken out, you can't unread it. Once you understand what was placed inside you, you can't pretend you don't know. Once the silence breaks, you can't go back to a Bible with the instructions stripped out.

I don't make anything from telling you this. I'm a woman whose grandmother whispered something on her deathbed that I didn't understand for fifteen years.
She was right.
They took pages out.

And someone finally put them back.

If the link still works, The Complete Ethiopian Bible is still available.

https://www.theethiopica.com/products/the-complete-ethiopian-bible

P.S. — My grandmother grew up in a small Coptic community before she came to America. I think now that she knew exactly what she was telling me. I think she tried to tell me earlier and I never listened. If you're reading this, your grandmother isn't whispering it to you. I am.

P.P.S. — If the link is still up, they still have copies. They also send you the digital edition immediately so you can start reading tonight while the hardcover ships.

https://www.theethiopica.com/products/the-complete-ethiopian-bible

05/08/2026

Counting the Omer – Day 34
Sefirat HaOmer סְפִירַת הָעוֹמֶר
Focus: SERVANT – SHAMMASH שַׁמָּשׁ

In the kingdoms of men, greatness is measured by elevation—
thrones, titles, power, and recognition.
But in the Kingdom of Heaven, everything is turned upside down.
“The greatest among you will be servant.” — Matthew 23:11

The Hebrew word שַׁמָּשׁ (Shammash) means servant or helper.
On the menorah, the shammash is the central branch
—the one set apart.

It is lit first… and then it gives its flame to all the others.
It does not shine alone.
It exists to ignite others.

This is the pattern of the Kingdom.
“Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant…” — Matthew 20:26–28
“If anyone wants to be first, they must be last of all and servant of all.” — Mark 9:35
“…the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who leads like the one who serves.” — Luke 22:26

The world says: rise above others.
The Kingdom says: pour into others.

The shammash teaches us something powerful:
True greatness is not found in how brightly we shine for ourselves…
but in how many others we help bring into the light.

Messianic reflection:
The shammash points us to Messiah—the ultimate Servant.
He did not come to be served, but to serve… and to give His life.

He is the Light who lights every lamp.
And now, we are called to walk as He walked.
“Whoever claims to abide in Him ought to walk in the same way in which He walked.” — 1 John 2:6

This is not passive faith.
This is a calling.
To serve in humility.
To love in action.
To lay down pride.
To become vessels that carry His flame into the lives of others.

Meshamesh bakodesh — serving in holiness.
This is who we are becoming in this count.

As we journey toward Shavuot, the question is not:
“How high can I rise?”
But rather:
“Whose lamp can I help light?”

Because in the Kingdom of Heaven…
the one who kneels to serve
is the one who shines the brightest.

Have a Most blessed Day 34 of counting of the Omer!
From Firstfruits to Shavuot
Count each day…and make each day count!
Shalom 🌿
5/8/2026

Song for today: “Servant”. Here is a link to a special soothing Spring Feasts version: (Song #2, 4:36): https://youtu.be/9_TQ7XbSr_o

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