Man-UP Life Coaching

The most common mistakes men make in communication with women are:

1. Trying to fix her problem.

As weird as it seems, she isn't telling you about a problem because she wants a solution. She wants to share how upsetting the problem is for her. This is mind-boggling for guys.

The male rationale is: "If we just FIX it, then we don't have to TALK about it". Don't do that. Just listen.

2. Telling her to get to the point.

Dude, trust me when I say this. She isn't trying to GET to a point. For her, the talking itself IS the point. Just. Let. Her. Talk.

See, for her the talking is a way of sharing her frustration with a situation, and if you literally JUST LISTEN--the way you would if a buddy was telling a hunting story--she'll FEEL better. Feel, bro. FEEL.

3. Mistaking feelings for facts.

When women communication their feelings, there's a tendency to exaggerate to get the feeling across. They might say something like, "I always have to pick up your dirty clothes", when in reality they are referring to a couple of recent instances that have them annoyed and feeling taken for grated.

Best advice here: Hear it as "I FEEL LIKE I always have to pick up your dirty clothes." All feelings are valid. Just listen and say something like, "Yeah, that sounds frustrating. I'm sorry you feel that way."

These are just a couple insights that can help you course-correct. If you want a woman, you have to do the work. This is the work.

Both teaching and coaching have taught me a lot about fathering, and vice versa.

In all three cases, any self-judgment you’re carrying will be visible to your student, your client, your child.

But because you are a mirror in which they see themselves, these judgments will appear to them just as spots on a dirty mirror, and they will see them projected on to themselves.

So to be a good teacher, coach, and father, you have to be a spotless mirror in which others see themselves favorably.

And the only way to do that is to replace judgment with forgiveness, both for them and for yourself.

Every guy in a long term relationship has heard some version of these words:

"I don't feel heard or seen. I feel taken for granted. I don't feel supported. I don't feel loved. I feel alone, and I feel like you're somehow okay with this obvious disconnect between us. I feel like we're just roommates, and all of our interactions are transactional. I can't keep going like this."

And what do you do when you hear it?

Go stone-faced. Sigh and roll your eyes, like the "I guess so bro" meme.

And it perpetuates the problem, because she is asking for something in that moment, and you clearly don't know what it is.

All you hear is: "I'm unhappy and it's your fault."

As this short clip suggests, the way to give her what she needs is the least intuitive for you. Let her talk. And talk. And talk.

Don't analyze what she's saying like you're cross-examining a witness on the stand. Just try to understand how she feels.

FEELS. Like when you have headache. Or you're tired. Or you've had too much coffee. Or eaten a hot pepper that's making you feel like you may need to have your stomach pumped.

Let yourself feel her feelings without judgment. It's not gay. It's not beta. It's empathy. It's how good husbands support their wives. It's how good fathers support their children.

And it's how real men father their own wounded inner child.

Dad: I just want to come home and relax.
Mom: Surprise, MFer. 😭

In my coaching sessions, I’m button-down shirt guy. 👔
But on Sundays, I’m just a big goofy kid. 🤪🤘

Just a reminder not to take life too seriously. Go outside and play, bro. 🌞

Busted! 😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣

Hey man. Look, I’m not shaming you for doomscrolling. There’s a time and a place for brainrot.

The game is understanding the line between use and abuse, just like any distraction that becomes compulsive: gaming, alcohol, massage parlors, stimulants, etc.

What you learn in coaching is that while your choice of distraction may be unique to you, your reasons for going to this activity for dopamine are always the same:

You need validation.

Imagine if your entire day, from the time you woke up until the time you went to bed, was nothing but praise....

“You are so handsome.”
“Dude, you’re a freaking genius.”
“Wow, you’re in really great shape.”
“Women are always flirting with you bro.”
“You’re so creative.”
“You’re the hardest working person I know.”
“You’re always so nice, and I find that attractive.”

If that was your daily soundtrack, I 100% guarantee you wouldn’t be spending 3+ hours a day (or night) doomscrolling.

Because you wouldn’t need the dopamine. You’d already be lit. And someone with high aura doesn’t lie around watching reels of other people living their lives. They live theirs.

So if you’re trying to break a doomscrolling habit, do three things:

1. Tell yourself repeatedly that you are the man.
2. Set a time to shut it down, and practice being disciplined.
3. If your anxiety kicks in, breathe and sit with that feeling. It will pass.

And hey, if you need help, I know a guy.

Sharing this because BRO S**T 🤣🤣🤣

People treat science and spirituality like rivals in a cage match.

One side swears by hard evidence, the other holds the line on faith, and we all pick a corner. Then you wander into metaphysics and the whole fight starts to look like a misunderstanding.

The further you go, the more you notice the hard science and the ancient spiritual ideas are describing the exact same thing. One uses equations, the other uses scripture. Quiet the noise long enough and you can hear them finishing each other's sentences.

That's the weird magic in the middle. It's where a thinking man stops choosing between his intellect and his soul and lets them finally work together. Faith and reason turn out to be two witnesses describing the same event from different seats in the room.